im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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