And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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