I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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