it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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