If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got her a Nickelback box set.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
