Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
