never play flip cup with pint glasses
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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