Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
