i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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