Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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