And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
