I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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