nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
