eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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