I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
