Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
