Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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