I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
