i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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