The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
