My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
