first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
