He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
