I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
