singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
