Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
