I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
