dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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