it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
