Don't you send me to vm
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
