your room smells of hookers.
And success
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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