brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
