Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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