Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
