the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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