Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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