i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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