If i come over, it means nothing
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I could make wine with my vomit
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
