im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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