i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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