I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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