i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
