There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
