my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
