She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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