So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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