My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
