She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
