Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
