idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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