I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
