I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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