Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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