to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
