She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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