Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
