Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
