I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
