Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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