"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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