who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
