We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize