I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
