He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
