I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
