Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
