Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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