You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
