Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
