It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
