Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
