I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She needs sedatives and a leash
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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