can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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