We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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