she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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