I'm lost and stupid without you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
