Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
