So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
