Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
