I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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