You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
