Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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