My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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