also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
