I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
