i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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