omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
