She's JV to your varsity
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
