Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
