I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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