He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
