My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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