Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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