I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
