he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
