I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
