Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
