I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
