check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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