also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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