How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
