Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
