Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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