I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
