Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
