yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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