You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
