i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
