Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
