I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
