I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
