It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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